A few weeks ago one of the last book stores in the city I live closest to had a liquidation sale. No irony in the fact that there were more people in the store than I had seen in a long time buying items and openly mourning. I bought a book about the occupation of Paris, later in the week I stumbled on my well worn copy of Eugene Ionesco’s The Hermit and thought I might need to read that again. Like many ordinary people I am looking for answers and hearing other people in my daily life also going through the same process.
The issue for me is compounded by the reality of living in a red state with just a few crunchy pockets. I imagine that is a struggle many here are rolling their tongues over. The question is not will I march, will I sign petitions, will I contact various reps, or will I look carefully to where I can donate, or whether I think this will be a long process of resistance.All of that will happen. The bigger question is how I conduct myself. Weirdness has already emerged at the nail salon, at work, at meditation class and among friends and acquaintances that has forced me to ask when do I speak up, how do I speak up, and when do I chose not to engage. The answer at work is never of course, but the truth is I could be in a confrontation nearly every day. I have already had to draw back from a few people in my life who clearly wanted to push me into a place where they could exact verbal revenge porn. A few friends who think as I do have expressed open grief and fear and the only response I really had is that the designers of dismantling want people to be afraid. We all know the long game Steve Bannon has we all know he is aiming squarely at foundational programs or a Holy War or both. We all know that is what he wants, we are not sure how he might try to get us there. We know we don’t want to go and many of the very people who reactively voted for Trump really don’t want to go there either. What we do not know is how to wake them up or if that is even possible, will they simply deny and deny and then act shocked when the fabric is torn.
I think my answer, for my conduct will be to answer honestly when asked but not to seek out the fire either unless I am choosing the circumstances. I am not certain that is the right answer but for now it is one. My answer is to neither hold my breath nor to shout at shadows. I am a dual citizen, I actually can escape to Canada. But as Canadians know, America sneezes and we get the cold so escaping might not be an escape. And the only way to play to the long game is to conserve energy, defend when one can, act defiantly yet peacefully, and develop a strategy which I am hoping smarter people than I, are already formulating. But for those of us who are little islands in a turbulent and very bold ocean, the isolation offers real dilemmas about who we want to be and how we want to express that. I am not sure how to be a bending willow that still stays rooted but I am going to find out.
